As part of their survey into agility motivation, H.M. Government Statistician Department interviewed dogs from a statistically balanced number of the most popular agility breeds, gave them the following instructions and asked for their response. Their replies are documented below.

Q. Fido, I want you to jump the three jumps straight ahead of you, turn left over the 4th jump. Go over the A-frame and through the weaves and back to the start.

Beardie

•         Why? Actually, looking at the course, it would be far more fun if I turn right at the end of the straight rather than left.

Belgian Shepherd

• Wow! I am sooooooo excited. Let's go! ...err what came after the third jump again?

Border Collies

• Yes Master, I will do as I am told to the best of my ability. -or-Sorry Mum, can't wait for all those instructions, I'm off. Bernadette Walsh

Border Terrier

• Okay, but first let me chase away anyone standing too close to the ring. After all, this is my course. Let me just pee on it to prove my point.

Bouvier des Flandres

• Okay, but I need to walk the course first. Then if I'm happy, I might do it again at a slow jog for that bag of sausage you have in your pocket. Pat Bowley

Boxer

• Okay, but if I see a person sitting down I must go sit on their lap for a while and give lots of kisses, Now what was the task? Jenny Livy

Corgi

• Sorry Mum, could you repeat that? I wasn't listening. I was barking. Suki Hunter

Dalmatian

• I don't understand what you mean. Can you run that by me again?

Irish Setter

• Where did you say the pheasant was located? - Fran

Jack Russell Terrier

• Why are you still talking? Throw the ball! Throw the ball!  THROW THE BALL! Elaine Hudspeth

Kelpie

• Let's go, baby!, but don't forget that my sheer speed may cause me to misjudge my down contact and miss the weave entry. And if you can't keep up, I will put

Labrador

• Mmmm... Okay, but what's in it for me? I mean where are the treats?

Lurcher

Right, but if somebody says 'rabbit' while I'm running, I'm off, mate. - or- Are you mad? Do you know how much energy that's gonna take! I only got 12 hours sleep last night. Just let me squeeze another few in and we'll talk again  Dawn Davies

Miniature poodle

• Pourquoi? - Jane Tatum

Sprollie

• I recently resigned my post as Founding Director of the Bureau of Useless Information (BUI) of which the HMDMS would have been a most useful useless ally. My small staff of three members, my own dear hubby, Mr Armatige Shanks and Mr Hubert Cumberdale, were often joined by our mascots a small Jack X, a Lab and a Sprollie The lab and the Jack concurred with previous answers, but the Sprollie made an interesting point... and I quote, 'Fab exercise, in keeping with the BUI / HMDMS tradition but totally useless since your are finishing where you started. And what’s with those sticks, useless in the most glorious  way. Clearly going past is the fastest option but you want me to what? What a wonderfully, brilliantly pointless exercise... oooh do I smell sheep?' Which is where the questioning session broke down…as she was further distracted by a bemused woodlouse. Glad to have some input. Mrs Morris Traveller

            Shetland Sheepdog

• I'll pick my own course, now get out of MY ring! Teresa Lomas
• Lets go do it! but I insist on barking constantly, doing the occasional pirouette and, if you are really lucky, I will nip your buttocks! Linda Chubb

Staffie

• Don't you tell me what to do, mate. I design my own courses.

Springer Spaniel

• Okay. that's fine, but if there is an interesting smell on the way, I will need to investigate it before continuing.

Standard Poodle

• Fair enough, but I will need to look good, so I will almost come to a halt before each jump, leap high into the air and land close to the jump before continuing. I am into style, not speed.

After such a mixed bag of replies, the survey has never been published, as no meaningful conclusion could be reached.

If your dog would like to join in the fun and be a representative of its breed, ask it the above question and send the response back to us by email.